Does Financial Independence for Women correlates to their sexual Appetite?

A diary from two worlds- Monrovia, Liberia-AND Cameroon March- April, 2018

Day 1: March 24, 2018- Between 1:30 PM to 4:00PM

It was a sunny day. I have just crossed from Sierra Leone to Liberia through the Gedemah Border Crossing Point. I was sweating and giving out water as if I was out of a swimming adventure. By the time, I crossed, I got myself two scratch cards for my two SIM cards and was loading them on when a driver approach me to join his car for the city of Monrovia — my place of residence. I seemingly refused. While still discussing with the daughter of a Christian brother, another driver came and convinced me that he only needed a passenger to join his car. Well, hesitantly, I was convinced and I followed him. The taxi seemed full and happily I entered, only to realize that we were to wait for some seconds to get others in the taxi. When they finally joined, they were all women except for the driver, one guy that was in the booth, and I. Of the six passengers inside the taxi, I was the lone man. We travelled about one hour thirty minutes when an unusual topic came up. Amongst these women, there was one who seemed to have been in her late twenties, two others in their mid-thirties while additional two were either in their early or late forties. In their discussions, the age able women who were in their mid-forties brought up an explanation that when women are financially independent their sexual appetite for men drops drastically. I was amazed and thrilled. I wanted to hear more. These women are somehow educated, one amongst them for sure is a nurse and a graduate of the Cuttington University in Liberia, a school I once attended reading management and Sociology. They added that if a woman can afford all her needs, she will not be too anxious for men as compared to women who depend on men for survival. This topic kept ringing in my ears until I reached Monrovia and realized that finding out more will help me do justice to this topic. How true is this, I am still to know.

March 24, 2018- Between 21:30 PM to 22:00 PM

I was locked in a private conversion with Awanto, when I thought of the happenings during my travel from Bo WaterSide to Monrovia. Then, I decided to discuss it with Awanto. First, I explained the encounter and she was like not really sure of what to say. Eventually, she added that maybe in a sense. We both felt that sexual urge may not have any correlation with financial independence. Sexual appetite and the need for men are two separate things. One may have a high sexual urge but not for any human being, one could chose the use of objects, or humans but not necessarily the opposite sex. However, Women who are financially independent have more choice on who to love or who not to. If a girl is very broke, she might choose to love to a man with money and status but by the time such a girl or woman starts to enjoy some financial independence, they may change their mind we concluded. We suggested to independently investigate and complete this dairy going forward.

March 24, 2018- Between 23:00 PM to 23:11 PM- Discussions with Loretta

MSN: I was in a taxi with Five Women. A topic came up from amongst them. In their discussions, they discussed that when women are financially independent, it reduces their sexual appetite. Now, I am fully investigating how true is this? Does financial Independence reduce sexual appetite in women? Please explain more.

Loretta from Liberia: I know Women feel more independent when financially strong, but loss of appetite for sex, I am not sure.

Hannah from Liberia: No. It increases.

Commentary on day 1 Answers:

Instantly after sending the question to few friends through Facebook using their inbox, I got two interesting answers. Loretta frankly is saying no while Hannah is even saying that it increases in actual fact. What is important now, can these two contributors come back with more answers in the coming days? I am waiting.

However, Financial independence proofs that, for women to reduce their sexual partners and increase their choice of who to love, it is important. Finances increase the power to decide. This will be later asked for more detail from Women across the world during this dairy recording.

March 25, 2018- 20:17- Monrovia- Facebook Discussions with Debbie from South Africa

I have shared this interesting question overnight on March 24, 2018 and have been expecting answers. While busily following a news line on Facebook on the Sierra Leone elections, my phone alerted me of another Facebook message. It was from Debbie from South Africa I guess. This was her answer:

Debbie from South Africa: This is the strangest research ever. The answer to your question is…no. Reduction of sexual appetite can be caused by few reasons, one can be a personal choice which can be brought on by your busy schedule working hard creating that financial freedom which leads to being tired all the time. Imbalanced hormones can be a cause which you can fix with supplements you get over the counter. Women that are financially independent who tells you that their sexual appetite is reduced because of being financially free are lying (I don’t know how the conversation in the taxi went) but they might not have the time to get to know a man and spent time with a man but they will do the next best thing to satisfy that need. In the privacy of her home with the little time she has there are ways she will please herself whether by masturbation, sex toys, etc. That means she has a sexual appetite. If she doesn’t have then it’s not because of the money and her position, then she needs to investigate why…maybe high stress levels because of the type of position/work she is in…But nothing that cannot be fixed. Big salaries equals big job responsibilities, equals missing out on social or family life if not balanced…but you cannot switch off nature. Maybe after a painful divorce you swear off men and sex but then the reason will be the painful divorce and the memories of that hurt. Again that will be only for few years until you trust again. I would say with being financially independent you would have a healthy sex life…what dampens sex is a stressful situation and feeling depressed. So my answer is No…Being financially independent does not reduce sexual appetite. It will be other factors if she struggles with libido. Some women are so busy they literally forgets about sex…well if she is with a partner he will not let her forget. The cause can be treated if she struggles with low libido but it is not because of her good financial status.

Commentary on Debbie’s answer.

Debbie’s answer bring me to a situation that I later understood from the ladies in the taxi. This women are business women. They were coming from Conakry buying goods to sell in Liberia. These women travel widely within the sub region and even when they are in Liberia, they travel on bad roads from one city to another. Such movement could create enough fatigue like Debbie is saying to reduce one’s appetite. However, We also need to consider that hating men for whatever reason does not stop anyone having sex. In this world, as modern as we know it, like Debbie is saying, objects, same sex and some other means could be used to satisfy one’s sexual drive.

March 25, 2018-Ellen from Liberia- 21:44: No, simply because money has nothing to do with sex. No matter how rich one can be u will want sex, the feeling for sex is all together different from that of money.

Ellen put this in another direction. It does not matter how rich you are, sexual appetite or urge is a must. Sex is about feelings while money is just a medium of exchange for goods and services which serve no alternative need to sex. Great thought. But the question remain, if I chose to be impotent in exchange for money, does that apply in this case study? What about if my sexual urge is being replaced by other social events which are paid for by my money- that is a good argument that I no longer seek for sex because my money now provides me with alternatives. Sociologist could help this argument.

March 29, 2018–21:00- Greenville City- Sinoe County- Liberia — A conversation with a Work Mate

We have spent the whole day in a county Coordination meeting discussing the Welthungerhilfe projects and how to improve our systems and information sharing. In the evening hours, we decided to first get home and inform our caretaker at the Guest House to get our rooms clean and water fetched. When we arrived at the guest house, we tried calling the girl who first hosted us but her line was off. I decided to visit the main guest house and luckily, I met the manager and informed him. Immediately, he promised sending someone to come to our aid. I went back, sat myself in the armchair and went into my phone reading and browsing Facebook. Few minutes later, two girls arrived and went straight into our rooms. Later when I checked, I realized that they have set the room up but I still needed water. I went back to them, and unhappily, they followed me after some minutes with two buckets of water. When they were going back, one of them seem unhappy and was grudgingly speaking though I did not hear much of her saying, but seemingly, she was being rude, something I overlooked. Before they arrived, I have worked outside and I saw some boys brushing the yard. I observed them for some minutes but realized that they were working unprofessionally, I decided to help them to brush mainly to teach them how to brush and cut the grass so very lowly.

We then decided to work to the beach called Portugal. This is where we have all visited every evening since our arrival two days ago including the very night we arrived. We were hungry anyway (I and my Female colleague). When we entered the Beach fence, we went straight to the woman who was selling roasted fish, salad and some fried plantain. We ordered for two bowls and went down and fix a seat closer to the beach. Just two of us, we were there receiving the cool breeze and the comfort of the sea. After minutes without seeing the food, I decide to go and check. Only to realize that it was not delays, rather, the girl has delivered our order to another client. Then by this time, there was no salad but then, we decided to do another order, this time, roasted fish and fried plantain. Later on, I checked but it was not ready. When I returned, Jacqueline, my colleague decided to also check- she came back with the girl and the two plait of order we have made. For about twenty minutes, we were busy eating our food happily.

After, I remembered my research topic- Does financial dependence reduce women sexual appetite, I posted it to Jacqueline.

I was thrilled with the response. Jacqueline narrated that she is not sure and in fact, it is not true. She continued that it depends to the individual and the situation. For example, women who go to school and wish to pursue higher education and focus on getting good grades could decide not to engage into sex. During this time, this abstinence developed into a habit and after studies, they may take some time to focus on a good job and earning money. This could develop into abstinence, with time, it becomes a normal behaviour. However, she went on to say that she has seen women who are financially placed running after younger boys only to get some sexual satisfaction from them. She interestingly discussed a scene in a well-known city where educated and well placed women go to have some oral sex with boys who they paid for up to $20.00 United States dollars. In conclusion, she stressed that financial independence does not suppress sexual appetite but self-controlled specifically for better and higher education can develop a positive habit in women to abstain from sex and after they have acquired the education, the habit may remain with them or for women who have special experience during their upbringing, they may have some sexual disorder which can be termed as reduced sexual appetite.

Bamenda,Cameroon-March- May, 2018

It’s three days to my 22nd birthday, there’s so much running through my mind. I’m involved in a couple of projects that seem to be sucking life out of me. I am seated on my bed, thinking of something productive and fun to do. It strikes me that I have to sample opinions on the relationship between sex and financial Independence for women. So I’m thinking of who I can possibly ask This from. In my part of the town — Bamenda, Cameroon, it’s a Herculean task to freely ask questions like this because sex is not freely discussed there. People still shy away.

I scroll through my contacts for people I could possibly ask this from, none comes to mind.

Fortunately, a Friend of mine, Cynthia runs a forum where societal issues are discussed. I am not part of the group because I hardly have time, but I reach an understanding with her and she lets me join for three days to gather the opinions of the girls and women in the house. I am thrilled by this, I thank Cynthia immersely.

March 27 , 2018–5:47 PM

I have been added to the WhatsApp group by Cynthia, it has one hundred and sixty participants, all Cameroonian. The groups name is let’s talk societal issues. It is made up principally of Cameroonians at home and in the diaspora.

6:30 P.M

I introduce myself to the group, there isn’t too many responses, most people are not online. I ask my question however. This is how I frame it: Good evening everyone, I’d like your sincere opinions on this issue. Do you think financial Independence for women reduces their sexaul anxiety or satisfaction?

The group is dead quite, so I log out of social media and ponder about the issue until I drift into wonderland.

Day 1: March 27, 2018, 2:44 AM

My eyes fly wide open, sleep has disappeared. It sometimes happens like this, I’d be in deep sleep, then suddenly just wake from it as if I’d been pushed into a pool of water. I know I’ll not be able to sleep back anytime soon, so I check my WhatsApp for any responses.

It so happens that when I left, the topic I raised had been considered Interesting by the housemates and they had tok to discussing it until I even saw heated debates arising from the issue. I was thrilled. I begun collecting my data.

Princewill — Yaounde,Cameroon 7:20 PM

Hi Margaret, welcome to the group Let’s talk societal issues. I’m just curious to know why you’d be gathering data for such a weird issue. I mean not that it’s not relevant, it’s just one of those issues people don’t get to talk about much in society. No one really thinks about that. On the other hand, I’m very pleased such a discussion has been set on the table for annalysis and dissection. We’ve got some wonderful brains in the house, so brace to receive thrilling responses. I’ll leave it at that. My opinion on this is No, it doesn’t. I know I’m a man and I can’t speak for women but I think I’ve lived with women long enough to understand them. Cheers!

Arrey Stella — Buea, 7:40 PM

Hi Margaret, welcome amidst us. Interesting question you asked there. Well I don’t think financial Independence in a woman can reduce her sexual anxiety or satisfaction. Personally I don’t see how earning more would make me desire my husband less. It’s unthinkable, because financial stability will never substitute our emotional needs. Never!

Nina — Yaounde 7:43 PM

I don’t think financial Independence can reduce sexual satisfaction. But I do think that it makes women look down on men because they know they can do and undo with their money. I think the better question to be asking here is: Does financial Independence in women lessen their respect for men or their husbands?

At this juncture, a debate sets in between Nina and Arrey, I do not pay attention to the details. It may become an unnecessary long thread if I interfere, so I just stay back .

Commentaries on Day 1

Interestingly, the first person to react to my question was a man. Glasses up to men! Princewill said he didn’t think financial Independence affects a woman’s sexual drive towards men, Arrey said the same, and Nina followed in that line of thought making only a small drift.

If my research were to end here, the popular opinion would be No, financial Independence doesn’t reduce a woman’s sexual satisfaction.

Day 2: March 28, 2018

It’s been a very sunny day here in Bamenda. I have been busy all day, first with house chores, then other personal stuff to handle. At 3pm, I settle into the couch, hit play on a Westlife album, and turn my data on. I check the group for other responses and lo! There are responses. I smile and begin reading through.

Steph — Bamenda 6:55 AM

Good morning guys, I woke up to an interesting question here in the house. Welcome Margaret. Uhmm…. I don’t think financial Independence reduces a woman’s sexual appetite eh, I really don’t think so. But it does have an effect on women. Like Nina raised, I think it can make them rebellious.

Pam — Bafoussam, 8:10AM

Hi beautiful people, Welcome Margaret. I have read through the above thread. And I want to go down a road that has not been travelled yet. So yes! I think financial Independence in women can play on their sexual satisfaction. This is why I say so. When a woman is rich or wealthy, she has the world in her fingers, let’s face it, money rules the world. This her money, she can have most men she wants, either by paying them or outrightly asking them out. With this notion that she can have anything and any type of sexual satisfaction she wants, she no longer emotionally attaches to the act as a broke or just normal earning woman would. There’s also sex toys, she can get the most exotic. You therefore see that financial Independence or should I say superficial financial Independence can lead to lesser satisfaction in some women; but it all depends on the person’s core values.

Commentary on Day 2

Reading Steps response made me smile. It was the first contradiction I was receiving. This is finally starting to feel like it has both sides. I am thrilled, as I anticipate more sincere responses.

Day:3 March 29, 2018

Hurray! Today is my birthday, welcome to the fabulous twenty-two I tell myself. My phone has been flooded with Happy birthday messages. I beam contently as I read them one after the other. I have been caught up with cooking eru and warerfufu , one of our delicacies here. I only round off by evening and i have a few friends over so I only check my WhatsApp by 8pm.

Surprisingly, no more response to my question from the group. I am disappointed. In a group of over a hundred persons, I didn’t get up to ten concrete responses. Maybe people don’t want to talk about anything that has to do with sex openly. However, my time is up in the group. I’ll exit by tomorrow. It was nice being a part of them though.

April 24, 2018 5–6 PM

I have a discussion with Sahr Nouwah and he reminds me of the project. How far with your own inquiries he asks. I gape at this, I realize I’ve actually not done much, so I take it upon myself to sample a few more opinions from elderly women, no matter how embarrassing it may seem.

April 26, 9:40 AM

I send a message to Jasmine, she’s Half Nigerian and British. We met at a conference where she was a facilitator, and we later connected on Facebook.

I send another message to Ngelo, a friend who reads women and gender at the University of Buea Cameroon.

Day: 4 — May 2nd, 6:30 PM

Ngelo responds: hi girl, wow! Interesting question you’ve got here. Uh…I think the response is obvious, it’s a no. No, it financial Independence doesn’t reduce a woman’s sexual anxiety/satisfaction. They two are not directly or indirectly correlated.

Day:5 — May 18th 6:30 AM

Jasmine responds: hi Meg, how have you been? Pardon my late response. You know how crazy it gets at work sometimes right?

Uh…well I don’t think financial Independence and sexual satisfaction got so much in common. I don’t think it works like that for women. It’s really about the emotions, not how much money you have in your account.

Synopsis

From the responses of Princewill, Arrey, Nina, Ngelo, and Jasmine, one line of response runs through: financial Independence in women does not reduce their sexual anxiety/satisfaction. In Fact I am tempted to think it can instead spur it, because if it doesn’t reduce it, then it inevitably enhances it.

Steph however made a drift. She said financial Independence in women can reduce their sexual urge as their ability to pay for any type of sex they want would cause them to emotionally detach from the act. She however specified that it depends on the woman’s core values, what she stands for and considers right.

On this note, I’ll give my opinion. I legitimately think that financial Independence does not reduce a woman’s sexual satisfaction. However, it might play on the relationship as sex is sometimes a game of power. The man may be physically powerful, but the woman financially powerful. And since sex is sometimes a game of power, everyone seems to dominate. The woman might not want to succumb to her man and of course, no man will want to submit to a woman.

So financial Independence in women does not affect how they perceive sex or determine the satisfaction they gain from it.

Written and Compiled By: M. Sahr Nouwah- Liberia & Awanto Magaret- Cameroon.

Using poetry and storytelling to challenge issues affecting women and children within modern society, focusing on human development and fighting poverty.